Our Anything Room
by ile-o
Summary: Vincent founds himself in love with a certain blond who's heart was gone along time ago. VincentxCloud, [WARNING YAOI][Lemon]
1. The Room

_I do not own FFVII or any of it's characters. _

_The title comes from a doujin (who by the way I didn't like XD) but the title was so pretty_

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The room

I saw him as he crossed the deserted city of Midgar on his motorcycle; the roar of it has been my companion since that incident with the three spirits. I try to stay close, to breathe in the scent of gasoline and leather, not very romantic I must say, but at least I stay in reality. He doesn't know I follow in the shadows, I guess I don't want to be alone, but I don't want to be around people either. Complicated; that's how my life has been and it would never change at all, I know that well, I try my best not to complain.

The roar of Fenrir stops near an almost fallen building on the slumps of Midgar, the plaque that covered the "celling" was still there, but I think it won't last more than a couple or years, the structure seems fragile and can crumble at any time, like his heart.

He dismounts Fenrir and enters the almost dreamy structure that was the building, light finding the entrance to it through little cracks and broken windows, no sounds can be head for kilometers, I know that well, for my senses are far more acute than any other person I've met, some privileges have crossed my body alongside with the sin that it represents. I guess Hojo made his work just fine, it's hard to admit it but it's true.

The blond opened the doors of the building without making any struggle; he owns a key to open the lock, not wanting to force it open. His reasons for being here are unknown to me; he barely speaks of his past, just what is necessary; the information that was shared a long time ago when we battled the man with the black materia was very shallow; not like he needed to explain anything else. My curiosity has been one of my most terrible and secretly sins. I know this is the first time he has visited this place, at least for some years now.

Taking the stairs as if they have been carefully studied before, the blonde walked through a series of intricate hallways and rooms. He knows the place well; my curiosity grows with every step. I follow close but not enough to be noticed by the other man, I have the ability to soar in the air, like a ghost, never noticed by those around me.

So suddenly he stops at one door that is closed, takes out what I assume to be a dusty card and enters the room leaving the door open. Once I make sure he is in the room I take a look at the label placed near the door. The sign is broken and all you can read is. "Zack" and some specifications of the room number and the floor were on.

I enter carefully, taking my place in a corner which shadows had invaded and hid myself to observe him. The room had a part of wall that was missing, light entering the construction from there; everything was so dusty and old like the rest of Midgar. There was a bed placed in the middle of the bedroom, so strangely, people tend to put these furniture near a wall. There was another door near the bed which I assumed to be the bathroom door. I suddenly realized we were in a dorms building for Shirna's SOLDIERS; the emblem of the company was engraved on every door.

He jumped on the bed tiresomely and all the dust was sent flying making a small cloud. I thought his lungs would protest giving a 'cough' but no sound was heard; as the cloud dissipated, I could see his frame very clearly; the light that entered through the damaged wall gave the flying dust the impression of a gold, transparent and delicate fabric that hid the blonde as he retrieved his unnecessary clothing.

The scene was mostly seductive. As the dust was completely gone I realized his blue tank top was gone and he was clothed with only his usual loosened pants, his boots and socks were gone exposing his almost ghostly white feet that rarely felt the warmth of the sun. His arms, on the contrary, were clearly tanned making and interest contrast with his chest; he doesn't look bad, not at all, but of course it's just an opinion on a subjective topic.

He was sitting on a kneeling like position, like those of Wutai often do. For a moment he faced my way and I thought he had see me but carefully, not changing his mood, faced elsewhere and started to unzip his pants.

My heat skip a beat at his sudden movement, my eyes were shamelessly placed on his now naked hips. The pants that once were covering him were lowered enough for me to see a part of him that I've never seen before.

He placed his hand on his now hard member, a moan escaping his lips. He started stroking himself slowly, trusting his hips as well in a delicious rhythm. I felt how the air that surrounded me was getting thicker, I had to breathe more intensely, and fear was staring to grow within me. He could find out that I was there, watching him, with my now strong and loud breathing.

Even though I could swear I was being noisy, his breathing and panting were far louder than mine, not including the sudden moans that echoed the room. Now I felt my body in need, I tried to hold on to something, only getting to stab my left claw on the wall behind my back.

So suddenly he stopped, I thought he had hear the claw against the wall, not trying to hide myself anymore, I decided to come out if he asked me too but I was wrong… he only stopped, never finishing to release; the blonde buried his head on the blankets. His hand was still placed on his member; the other hand grabbed a piece of blanket holding it really tight. The position he had assumed made my lower body ache in pain. My mind was really absorbed into this dreamy situation until I was roughly brought back to reality.

Sobbing, I could hear him sob with intense sadness...

It seemed never to stop, minutes passed and my heart started to ache. I decided to move towards him, I want to comfort him. My steps were loud, I didn't want to speak but I wanted to let him know that I was there. He noticed, and immediately turned around, pulling the blankets to cover his lower body.

"Vin… Vincent!" His tone was low but at the same time full of surprise.

I sat near to him, and use my gloved hand to clean the tears that have found a temporary place to stay on his eyelashes. He tried to pull away, but he trembled, probably his body remembering the need for a soon release. I looked closely at his facial expression.

"How long have you been here?" He turned away, and spoke with a louder tone to make me know the situation bothers him a lot.

"Longer than you think… why did you come here?" Perhaps I speak too cold for my own good, but that's who I am, I can't change that, not at this point.

The blonde didn't respond at my question, instead he tried to stand up from the bed, dragging the covers with him. He couldn't achieve his goal, I was sitting on the same bed, his hand tried to keep the blankets but his plan failed leaving his body exposed again. He immediately went back to bed to cover himself. I watched coldly.

His tears started to run on his cheeks, making the blankets wet. I crawled towards him, curiosity invading me; my head was placed right in front of him, not even inches away from his. I could breathe in his scent, look into his mako-infused eyes, and if I wanted to, I just had to lean a little bit closer to taste his lips.

With lips parted and shaking, he was looking right straight into my red eyes. In a very slow and slickly way he placed his lips on mine. I saw him closing his eyes as he stayed, leaning closer, deepening the kiss, which I broke. Then he looked at me with sad, big eyes, tears running on his cheeks, and a mouth that was hungry of another body.

It is an idiotic action not to pay attention to the creature in front of me; I haven't met someone that would reject that face. I let him keep his actions, leaning closer, giving my lips as a small gift, he continued kissing and I kept watching. It happened so slowly and cautiously that I didn't realize that my eyes were now closed and one of his hands was buried the back of my head, his fingers playing with my hair. I kissed back.

He started to kiss more deeply and passionate, he broke our kiss for air, and I took this opportunity to slip my tongue in his mouth; it was my chance to study the blonde even more. He moaned in pleasure; that made me remember the lower part of my body in need for some attention.

He suddenly realized his own urge to feel satisfied; I felt his other hand had started traveling back to his erection. I broke our kiss, he watched puzzled, then blushed hard. I sat back not too far to keep the situation still and stated to remove my coat and glove. I didn't let his hand finish his travel when I caught it with my claw, gently; I don't want his body harmed. He knew what was coming and he completely laid on the bed for me.

With a single movement his pants were thrown away and he was completely naked. I carefully inspected his body with my eyes, fixing them on a part of him where I could smell the blood accumulating there, underneath the flesh, tightening his shameless erection. I take my time exploring his body with my eyes, memorizing it cautiously, not wanting to skip any little detail. He put his hand on my chin and forced me to face him. He's blushing, his face and body soaking in sweat, his eyes half lidded and lips parted; there's nothing more to do, he looked at me as if asking me to devour him not just with my eyes.

I kissed him here and there, exploring every inch of his body with my lips wanting to know where it tickles, where it causes pleasure; I grew more and more interested in this topic; and for a second I could really felt something on my chest. I held back and sat, the fear invading me. My own consciousness would have never allowed me to feel anything anymore. I denied it, fought against it, until he reached for me, pressing his body against mine, staring at me with those unusual eyes that were filled with a light of lust. Then it wasn't a matter of being aware of what we were doing, we were both dragged into a place were our bodies and instincts drove us and our minds were set apart.

At some point during the rubbings and moans my jacket was gone and my pants were unzipped, I couldn't even feel when he did this. His hands are well trained, there's no doubt about it. Another moan of pleasure and another wet kiss and I suddenly found myself licking his chest, searching for the so wanted erogenous spots; I wanted more of those sounds that made my body twitch and tremble in pleasure. Wanting more, I felt the beast inside of me growing hungry for more, trailing with my tongue from his chest to his abdomen and then to the spot I've been looking for.

"Uhhnn… Vincent" I hear my name in a soft and provocative voice, I growled in response and then I swallowed him with my mouth completely, sucking in gently. I won't say it was the most delicious thing I've ever tasted, I'd lie if I said so, but it was what I was hungry for at the moment, the blonde suddenly thrusts his hips making the act violently fast and rougher.

He was near the edge so I stopped myself; sitting again, then I sucked my fingers filled with precum. He looked back at me disappointed. But I had to stop there; I don't want to end it here, no. My body is in need for his now.

I split his legs apart and devour the sight with my pupils, stopping again to explore, to study him. He blushed harder at the scene in front of his eyes, looking other way. Shyness? Now? I tilted my head softly to the side in reflection, trying to comprehend the motive in this sudden change in mood. He surely had lived experiences like this before; he just proved that to me seconds ago. Or maybe it was something else, something that escaped my range of awareness. He tried to bury his head on a near by pillow his hand had encountered a while ago. I tried to focus on the main theme, but couldn't; the blonde looked too closed in his own world behind that pillow. I grew fearful.

My claw grabbed the obstructing object and tossed it away, landing near the door I thought to be the bathroom. He looked back at me with saddened eyes, lips that begged me to kiss him and cheeks that were adorned with a shade of pink; I must say that was the most erotic ashamed face I've seen during all these years I've had consciousness. I noticed everything was right, this was probably his way of reacting toward this situation. I didn't know that either, he seemed like a completely different person. His shyness only made him even more exotic; making me want him completely.

I leaned over to kiss him. And so suddenly I slipped a finger inside of him, I heard a moan escaping and then I kissed him again but with more desire, a kiss full of lust. I slipped in another one and started to move deeper until I found a spot that made him open his eyes and tremble.

"Vin… ah... unn…" And sounds like those were heard for some time until I decided it was my time. He protested as I left his body but not for too long. I felt him swallowing me with such experience, making me groan and moan in complete pleasure. It was painful for him at first; I could see his face, which I caressed with my human hand. He held on the bed sheets as I moved in and out if him; slowly and then fast, trying to touch that so desired spot in him that made his eyes close and his brain go numb.

So suddenly it came to me, the mental image of this situation. It looked completely wrong. I was leaning so close to him, his legs placed on my shoulders. The blonde was there lying on the bed completely naked, arching his back as we continued our rhythmic action. So sickening wrong to my mind, I was making my body more disgusting as sins accumulated.

The fight of my lungs to get air was so intense; the heat growing didn't help in the least, my now necessity grew and the sickening image didn't fade away. Until I felt him cum, spilling his seed on his and my stomach. His expression was priceless, throwing me to the edge, making me believe it was all a dream, I realized how much I've been waiting to see that face, to hear him scream my name as his orgasm came. Then, and only then, I was able to release myself as well, collapsing on top of the beautiful being that my flesh had the privilege to feel.

My mind suddenly forgot about everything, my heart ruled for the first time in many years now. I leaned closer.

"Cloud," I was finally brave enough to pronounce his name. He had fallen asleep now. Carefully I licked the tears that formed while pain and pleasure filled him; then moved aside to give him space to breath.

"Cloud," I played with his hair and watched as he found the appropriate position, cuddling closer to me. I wished for the walls to remember this time for me to think of it every now and then I came back. I hugged his body. Time passed as he deepened himself on his sleep.

Then it all was clear as I heard him say his name.

"Zack," Tears started to invade his face; he repeated the name again and again until I held him tighter. Reality hit me so hard, making my body hurt everywhere. It wasn't me who he was thinking all this time. Not even close, I've been only a toy, a puppet as he once was. I didn't want to leave even if it meant to lie to myself.

Then, what else is left? These are just memories of what never happened, of what we lost, of what we never lived. I may have healed his physical pain… But his soul has a hole the shape of someone else; I don't fit in there…

End of chapter

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This was chappie one... I still dunno why I wrote this stuff ... o.o 

So yeah angst angst angst, whatever...


	2. Truth?

_I do not own FFVII or any of its characters. _

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_Truth?_

The Day died, and then the night came and ended. Now the sunlight adorned the room again. Time is playing with my mind, making me think it happened all so fast, but at the same time so slowly, painfully.

I climbed from the bed and put my clothes back, watching him silently. My mind hurried me to leave such a confused creature and stop this awkward situation; but my body reached for him desperately, I tried my best to gain control of myself.

I stepped out and then in, out and in again. Shocking my head in confusion with every hesitant step I made. I suddenly stop and used my gloved hand in support to keep standing near a rusted wall. That was when he woke up; his complete body exposed, muscles stretching, eyes placed on me.

"You were gonna leave… weren't you?" It was almost a saddened tone. Like if everything of his life was this way, never believing things could be good.

"I… don't know…" Telling the truth is important for me, keeping quiet would be the same as lying. I didn't know, that's exactly how I felt at the moment, my mind ached in pain as I tried to figure out.

He climbed from bed looking at me with defiant eyes, his body covered by the sun rays that the sky seemed to spill. He headed for the bathroom, leaving the door opened; perhaps it was a bad habit, or he was inviting me come in. I decided to let my body guide sitting on the bed, watching carefully every movement he did. Surprisingly, water was still running. There was no soap; he only let himself to be covered by the liquid.

The curtain was open; I was watching everything that happened. He closed his eyes; the water now soaked his hair. It was almost as if he was begging me to go there, or maybe he wanted to kill my soul while my body was still on a 'living like state'. I decided just to be a spectator trying my best not let my body reign again. He finished his ritual and came back standing in front of me, still soaked. Trying to control my eyes isn't something I'm good at, so I turned to look at the darkened corner where I stood yesterday.

"You don't want to leave but you don't want to be here… isn't it?" I still could sense his heartbeat, his scent, the breathing, his gaze, everything I've studied and learned from him; all of them placed and pointing at me. How can he understand such a complicated state of mind? Was he the same?

I nodded and added waving my claw; I tried my best to smile even though he couldn't see it. It was a strange feeling. Now I tried to run away from there, panicking; no matter how slow I moved I was actually feeling the urge to run. The pressure was too much. I shouldn't be here on the first place.

My moves were done and I was near the frame of the door when he spoke.

"I'll be going to Edge to see Tifa, Marlene and Denzel" Trying to dry oneself without a towel is not a very clever thing to do. But he somehow managed to do it. Watching him placing his clothes on its respective places of the body was gift, letting me watch everything, even the simplest things that he doesn't show to the ones around him made my body shiver in pleasure and fear.

Those words he said in his sleep still echoed in my mind making me back off slightly. One more kiss of his lips could be the best thing, but one more lie to me like this and I didn't know if I could go on. He feels like something I don't deserve, something unreachable far away, untouchable for those of a marked sin.

I didn't know what to say or how to react; I didn't even understand the meaning behind the sentence. I just wanted to be "near" whichever that meant at the moment. I nodded, trying to forget all those painful words, moans, tears.

As soon as we left the room the put the lock on so carefully, like something so precious that will broke in thousand pieces if you're not gentle enough. He placed his forehead on the closed door and let out a sight. I still thought whether I must run or stay, I felt left behind as the space between us grew bigger to the point where the world fit in there and there was free space for a thousand more. Returning to reality was hard but it came as suddenly as he asked me to accompany him on Fenrir.

Being so close to somebody this much was frightening for me. Trying my best not to hold him by the waist, I hang on some other part of the motorcycle, but he kept of giving dangerous and fast turns and movements; I had to hold him at some point and when that happened, the ride turned to be way more calmed. Maybe it was a desperate intent for him to make me hold on thigh to him. He seemed angry, I can understand, but he doesn't know I heard him say his name on his dreams.

I guess it was like an unspoken pact between us now. Otherwise he wouldn't ask me to come with him.

We arrived too suddenly, from Midgar's old rusted slums near the fallen Sector 7; to the new rebuilt 7th Heaven, where the orphans lived with Tifa. "Tifa" I thought for a moment. I tried to imagine the reaction she might have when she finds out that out of the blue I came to visit, on Cloud's Fenrir.

We were welcomed at the place by a cheerful voice that repeated his name over and over again; calling for a boy whose name is Denzel. The other boy came quickly and greeted him with a big smile, and then he looked at me with confusion until she came to greet me too.

"Vincent! You came too!" The little girl clings to my leg trying to hide in my cape and I have no problem in give her what she wants.

"What's all the fuzz abou…? Cloud!" As soon as she saw him, she came running towards, I could hear her heart beat increase. I frowned my eyebrows a little in a worrying signal. She kept smiling so hard I felt my heart churn in pain.

"Tifa, Vincent is staying the night here" She looked around until she noticed me, looking at me with a confused face she said yes, I nodded.

Hours passed as he kept on talking to the boy. Denzel seemed so close to him, Marlene also was there but she mostly enjoyed the time the two talked and smiled; she watched most of the time. They left for the room a while later, leaving me on the bar with Tifa. The 7th heaven had closed earlier due to this visit he made.

She came and sat in front of me making sure I looked back at her, I was sure she wanted to say something, but she didn't. She kept looking at me until she realized I wasn't going to speak this easily, plus I had nothing I wanted to say to her.

"Cloud, he… has changed a lot during these years. He seems so distant, Denzel needs him, Merlene and… I need him back here; we're supposed to be a family." She looked really depressed. And I was forced to say something, I am no one to answer but I did anyway.

"He has his own life to live, he'll take the decisions he wants, and you and me know that." She wanted to say something in reply but didn't. Then she opened her mouth as if she wanted to ask something, I knew what it was so I answer the unspoken question.

"I came here because he asked me to."

"Why?" Now she was panicking, asking it loud; perhaps she knew something, I don't know. I looked straight at her with the slight anger that showed my face and stood up.

"Tell him I'll sleep somewhere else, I'll be around I he wants to find me." I left the bar and looked up at the sky, and then the rain started to hit my face. It made think of the girl that died trying to save this planet. I looked back at the floor and started to look for a place to stay dry.

It didn't take a long while, until I found a forgotten alley with buildings that connected with each other by a small bridge, at least it was something. I just have to stay there until the rain stops. Minutes passed and I heard my name on the wind, maybe an illusion, rats around the alley made a lot of noise, so I didn't know what to think.

Until I saw him, carrying an umbrella that seemed to be Marlene's, the scene was quite hilarious; I arched an eyebrow at the image. He noticed me and came near; looking at me with angry mako eyes.

"I told Tifa you'll be staying the night, she said yes. Why do you leave?" The way he was acting now was really childish; maybe being with the kids had affected him. I arched an eyebrow again; and he replied by putting the umbrella on top of me while he came closer for the item to cover us two.

"Will you come back?" I said yes looking straight at him; he understood and kissed me on the lips for agreeing his childish request.

The moment was interrupted when we heard footsteps that stopped in front of the alley. Tifa was standing there, she saw it all, the way we were really close and the kiss he gave me. I head him say her name in a whisper and she left for the bar running. He grabbed my human arm tight and brought me with him back to the 7th heaven.

We entered almost at the same time as Tifa did. But she locked herself on a room up stairs. Denzel and Marlene came out of their room to see what happened. Cloud slammed the door asking to enter; he slammed again until the door opened. Then the door was closed again and you could hear how their voices reached higher and higher tones, until they were yelling. Marlene grabbed my arm and asked me for permission to enter my cape again; I opened it and looked at Denzel who was staring at Marlene. He looked somewhere else and went back to his room.

"It's okay. They don't get along so well lately, Denzel hasn't noticed but I do. I need to go talk to him." And with that she left me, but before she entered the room where Denzel was, she said. "Just take care of Cloud…" It was almost a whisper but I heard it, and nodded.

The screams were lowered and the conversation was over. He came out of the room looking at me with a neutral face, then he grabbed my hand and led me to the room that he uses as an office, he closed the door behind us and took out some old futon that was carefully folded on a corner of the room.

"We're staying the night; the rain is getting worse." I thought of a moment of what have just happened while taking off my clothes and placing on some pajamas he lend me, the chochobo pattern is something I wouldn't use, but I couldn't complain, not when I have messed up this "family" of his.

The night was silent; I barely managed to sleep a couple of hours while he cuddled up against me. When the sun hit our faces I woke up and change back to my usual clothing. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible, after seeing that the kids were affected in such a way, I felt even sicker of myself.

Marlene was standing on the door, perhaps she knew that I'll be trying to run; she's such a perceptive girl.

"There's nothing wrong in it. It's just that Denzel sees Cloud as his hero, it'll be hard at the beginning, but he needs to understand Cloud is a human being with feelings like the rest of us." She took me outside holding my hand. I thought for a moment at the girl's words. Idolizing someone to discover that person is just like the rest of us, must be really hard.

Tifa's voice can be heard even outside, complaining and asking obvious questions. She wanted him to stay; I didn't hear any response for those questions. Denzel went out to find Marlene; he looked at me with saddened eyes, and then reached for the girl. Both were about to enter when the boy spoke.

"I can protect Tifa, but she needs Cloud, he… he'll come back, right?" I never saw his face; he went in so fast that there was no answer from me. But I knew too well he'll come back, Denzel is really important for Cloud.

I waited outside, still doubting if I should be here. The screams started again, the quarrel took at least two hours, or maybe more; I don't know, I left the place and headed to somewhere he knows to well. I needed some guidance.

The wooden floor complained with every step I made. The place was almost in shambles, the little water spring was still there. I sat on one of the benches and looked at the sky trough the missing ceiling. My heart aches, my body protests and my soul begs for him. I was too tired because I didn't sleep well last night and the night before. I closed my eyes slowly and slept there on an old bench.

After what I thought to be several hours, I woke up; wandering where he could be. I looked at the flowers and noticed a bunch of them were missing and that it must have happened while I slept because I remember the garden was in complete state. So suddenly I heard Fenrir's roar. He was here, all too unconcerned, he looked at me with saddened eyes.

"You woke up… I'm sorry about Tifa… I-"

"It's okay. I understand it all too well"

He reached for me to hold me, not letting me go. I wondered about a lot of things on that moment, but the one that pierced into my mind was the fact that we were on his 'sacred place', and he was holding me there, like if the place meant nothing for him. I questioned myself again and again if this was a dream or reality. My hands moved on it's own to embrace him back.

My mind questioned itself about the flowers. Was he the one who cut them? I looked at him to see his view placed on the now missing plants. He noticed and looked back at me.

"We need to get some rest, let's go to an 'inn' I have to get some sleep, tomorrow I gotta make some deliveries and…"

He went on talking about how much he liked to travel by motorcycle and I just listened. This was the first time in years I heard him speak this much; but this time it wasn't the other's man personality, it was his. I couldn't help myself but to smile awkwardly while he showed me more of himself.

We arrived at a somewhat small inn that was near the outskirts of "Edge", he tried to find the one closest to Midgar. The place was nearly decorated; it looked more like an old and forgotten store than an inn. We climbed up stairs to our room.

"You gotta go get a shower Vincent" he said as he closed the door carefully behind us. I looked back at him with a strong glare.

"I-I… don't mean that you're, well it's just that… arrgh… you know what I'm trying to say, don't you?" He looked back at me with a complete blush covering his cheeks; he had just won the never started war with that, and so I stepped into the bathroom.

I left the door slightly open, just enough for him to peek if he wanted to, but I kept the curtains closed for a little privacy. My clothes and armor were soon removed and I found myself encircled by the warmth water that spilled the shower. The scars that were placed everywhere on my body only brought back painful memories, I wondered if he could see me the same way as he does now when he looks at this abused body. I kept my mind on cleaning myself rather than start a mental conversation with my sinful self.

I started by rubbing the soap on my chest, when I suddenly, heard some noises from the room, then a scream, I stepped instantly out of there to see what have happened. Cloud was there on the floor; he had tripped breaking a jar with some water and withered flowers. He looked back at me and blushed as hard as his skin could tolerate. I stared at myself in fear and went back to the bathroom as fast as I could.

This time I closed the door behind me. I'm not ready for him to see me like this, not at all. I stepped onto the shower and try to forget everything that happened; I could have achieved my goal, but he stepped into the bathroom as well. He opened the curtain really fast I didn't have time to react; I only covered my non-human arm with my other hand and turn to the other side. He stepped in too, with his clothes still on, grabbing the abominated arm that the experiments left on me. I couldn't dare to look back at him.

I felt as my hand was lifted and kissed. Trembling I looked back at him, with terrified eyes, he smiled and hold my hand closer to him; I could feel the immense carefulness he was applying, to the point I knew something was holding me but it was just a very thin sensation; the warmest cold hand I've felt in my life.

Carefully I removed my hand from the soft feeling that his body gave me. I looked at the monstrosity that my limb is, and shiver for a reason I couldn't understand. I looked back at him to notice his shirt was now missing and he was now unzipping his pants. So suddenly, he was barely naked as I was.

My eyes devoured shamelessly every inch of his body; he noticed and smiled back as he placed his hands on my chest I shivered again then he hold me pressing closer to reach the soap that lied near the wall that faced my back, then, I moaned as he started to travel my whole self with his soft sleekly hands. I let him do as he pleased for a while until the beast within me took possession of my body, fighting it was not impossible, but as a sinner as I am, I didn't do anything about it.

I found myself pressing against his body more and more until he was totally against a wall, the water hitting my back, his body shivered a little when he felt the cold of the tiles on his back; but he smiled, closing his eyes, he hugged me pressing our bodies even closer. Moans and groans could be heard from the damped bathroom now. My human hand touched every single area that'll bring more noises from him; I remembered every inch of his flesh so clearly.

His hair was still dry, his body all wet I trailed all his muscles lines with my tongue, my right hand playing with him, so suddenly he laughed.

"It tickles…" I looked up at him; he looked back with warm eyes that I've never seen before. It was almost everything so perfect, but I couldn't see me reflected on those mako eyes, I started to wonder again, until he kissed my forehead so tenderly.

I whispered something in his ear, the exact words, I can't remember them but he nodded softly and then turned around facing the now warm tiled wall. My right hand traveled on his hipst. He arched his back in response while I applied more and more pressure with my hand feeling the lubricant that'll help me; I let his member go. He groaned in discontent for a moment, and then he arched his back even more when he felt my finger inside of him. He moaned and another finger was inside.

A minute or two of intensified movement and he was prepared for me. The hot air made me dizzy and I have to use both hands to help me get inside of him. He felt so tight, so good; from all the sins I've experience in my life this one, is the one that I'll keep on doing forever without remorse.

I was so into my own pleasure that I didn't noticed when or how but be were both on our knees now; he, using his hands in support and also to thrust back, making sure that I'll hit that spot with ever movement we made. I was almost there, I could feel it come.

"AH!... Za…Zack…!"

My eyes went wide in surprise and anger I could feel chaos taking my body, I went out of him and then in so violently, my body still ached, it needed release, he fell to the floor hitting hard and I used my hands to keep thrusting harder more violently until it came out. He cried in pain twice maybe trice, when I was finished. I pulled out with my hands so rough that he'll probably have bruises all over his hips for the next days. He cried again while he was left the on the floor naked, still unable to release, the hot water hitting his back.

Hurrying as much as I could, I took all my clothing and armor and went to the bedroom, anger and sadness increasing ever second until I couldn't move. I heard noises from the bathroom, he probably fell again, I didn't care for the moment, I tried my best to dress up again. Making sure I didn't forget any of my belongings I headed to the door and opened it. I was halfway on the hallway, when he stopped me, still naked soaked in water, his cheek red from the previous fallings, lips parted and slightly bleeding, his member still erected and in pain. Leaning closer to me he cried placing his head on my chest, I didn't move. He sobbed and sobbed something that I couldn't understand, perhaps a sorry.

"I'm sorry Vincent. I'm sorry. Don't go! Don't leave! I need you!" I couldn't believe that anymore, I felt as a puppet used for pleasure while he fantasized over somebody else. I was about to pull him away when he spoke.

"I love you… I really do, It's just that… that…" a long pause and I felt my heart working in spasms.

"Vincent I love you!" He sobbed and cried and leaned closer and closer to me, not letting me go. I didn't know what to do, or to say, my body believed him but my soul totally hated him now. And I did what I do best, I hugged back and bundle all of these fears inside, bottle up all of this pain, so no one or nothing can't take it away. The decision is made.

A dirge for the now gone heart.

End of chapter two…

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more angst, I know... R&R  



	3. A Signal From Her

_I do not own FFVII or any of its characters. _

_On this chapter Cloud narrates what happens when Vincent leave (remember last chappie?)… more ANGST… lol_

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_A Signal from her._

Flashback

It suddenly felt like a time long ago when I was left behind by everything and I found myself so confused that I hardly knew who I was. It hit me hard again. I wanted to talk, to let everything out, but instead I only let those fears inside, shutting away the words that could probably come from my mouth.

Tifa stood there, still crying, downing in her own selfishness. Cursing me, blaming me for the "broken" family we have. The ones that worried me the most on this moment were Marlene and Denzel.

I did what I do best; making a sign to Denzel in poof that he was now the one who would take care of things for a while. He nodded, Marlene smiled sadly; I left.

Not much has changed in the "house"; it has mostly been like this since I started my delivery service, which I still have to run. The door creaked as it closed behind me. The 7th Heaven was no longer open for me in a couple of days, perhaps a week, maybe more. Fenrir waited for me at the entrance, but I suddenly noticed 'somebody else' wasn't.

"Vincent!" I called him without response. I didn't blame him for going away, maybe he hated me now. I needed guidance, I pleaded for a signal that this wasn't true, but nothing came. I became more and more anxious and I started to drive to the only place that'll bring calm to me.

The old church brought so many memories, of all kinds, all of them so different; but still it felt nice to be here. Suddenly I realized some red fabric was hanging from one of the benches sides. My eyes went wide and I ran towards it.

It was a signal, something that shocked me so much it made me smile and cry at the same time. I kneeled near the bench using my hands to cover my eyes; I let some tears escape. Vincent was lying there, sleeping. I knew it had to be something special, he never came here; he doesn't have a reason for it.

Everything pointed into one direction. Was this the signal I was waiting for?

I wasn't ready to let go all the past behind me now. I took as many flowers as I could and escaped as soon as possible from there. Trembling, crying in pain, but still I managed to drive to the place that'll made my mind clear enough to think about the situation.

Some minutes died while I wasn't aware of their existence, the time-space logical part of my brain didn't work at all. It could have been hours of driving, but I reached our "part ways" place.

The sword was still standing there, watching Midgar rot, watching me suffer and hurting everybody around me. I walked closer to it, letting the flowers fall to the floor, decorating the desert surroundings.

I wanted so desperately to talk to him, to see him, to feel him again. Nothing seemed right at this point, my own vision of life was all twisted, allowing someone else in when the place was already taken… No, it felt so wrong. I fell onto my knees, pressing my forehead to the rusted buster sword, the only thing that was left from him.

From all the people I've known in through my life, he was the only one that didn't want anything in return. He could give away everything just for me.

I shivered, trembled and fell completely to the ground, so pathetically. My blindness in those moments of the past haunted me tremendously, not letting me think. Out of nowhere I started to dig through the ground with my gloved hands, only achieving to hurt myself.

"He hates me now, I know…" I felt sick and tired of myself. My head hurted as well as my heart, I complained about everything, busting in tears more and more intensely, time standing still for me. My air ran out at some point when I was on the ground, the tears stopped as I soon as my lungs battled for air. I tried to stand with the help of the old sword.

My mind became clear as I thought of him. He'll most likely laugh at the moment and pat me on the head. How can someone be so kind hearted? If he saw me right now, I know he'd back off, caring only about how I feel. Everything he gave to me, the life he let me live; I'm paying it with tears… how shameful, how repugnant.

"I shall live for your sake as well…" I've said that before and yet after all this, I dare to say it again. It doesn't matter how much I try to enjoy the life he gave me, things seem to get worse and worse making me feel it's not worth living it.

I tried to smile the best I could, remembering he always did for me, at least I had the power to give that back.

Kissing goodbye the handle of the buster sword, I went back to the church, where the only person that could heal me was waiting. I shall not let him go now, for he has become the only truth I'll know from now on.

My existence: a soulless body begging for love and mercy.

End of flashback

End of chapter.

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This wasn't the longest chapter ever, I know, but I needed this for you to know what happened on that part where vinnie slept on chappie 2

Chapter 4 is giving me a real headache right now, but it'll be up soon I promise

(you know I love ZackxCloud blah blah blah… I dunno why I wrote this story…)


	4. You and Me

_I do not own FFVII or any of it's characters._

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You and me

I was suddenly there. How long had it been since I've seen in this place? The Darkness that always seemed to surround me was nothing compared to the massive rays of lights that adorned the cave. This place had stayed the same ever since the last time I visited it, but why? Why all of a sudden I was here?

I looked up, scared of what I might find, I knew what I would see, but still I had to make sure. She was there, my eyes still looked at her like the most beautiful being on earth, her skin as white as I can remember, her hair as long and beautiful, and everything remained the same. She looked like a doll… a doll: I thought; that is what she is, a beautiful soulless body, it doesn't matter how well she was preserved inside her crystal shell, she was dead, that was the only truth. I had killed her.

"I'm sorry…" echoed in the cave, I was unable to move. Then time passed and it seemed like eternity to me, until I wanted to run away from there. Then, the air turned thicker and It became really difficult to breathe, maybe this is the end, I was happy that this would be the end; finally, I would pay for all my sins… "Lucresia"

When my eyes opened once again, I found Cloud staring at me with a very anguished look. It had been just a dream, but why all of a sudden? It's been almost a year since I had that dream.

I could not dare to look at him, after this dream, my anger didn't make any more sense. Everything was messed up, if I could only get back to my coffin…

"Vincent…" My body was limp, my mind disconnected. I did my best to get up from bed and dress up; he only stared outside the window. I couldn't erase those images on my mind, the way she always picked up her hair, her hands. The mental image was so clear I could close my eyes and see her standing there in front of me.

But she wasn't really there, there was no point in imagining thins that are not. The door creaked as I opened it and I shut it behind me. I don't know when, I wasn't aware, but he followed closely as I left the inn.

While soaring though the massive extensions of this continent I could only keep thinking of her, I only wanted to run away; even though I knew he was following I didn't made any evasive maneuvers. I didn't know where I was heading. I could only let my instincts drive me. Once we stopped I realized we had reached I place I wasn't expecting to subconsciously come, it all happened in a blink of an eye, or at least that's what I thought. We were now in the outskirts of Nibelheim.

When I finally was in my 5 senses I felt a tug on my cape, the sunlight hit his hair as I looked at him, golden locks playing with the wind; and there was a moment of tranquility as I saw his blue orbs as deep as the ocean, as clear as the sky, such a lovely scene that suddenly turned into a squall when his eyebrows revealed pain and his chest let the air in his lungs escape in a deep sigh. I know that expression; I've seen and studied it before.

He held my claw, almost lovingly, guiding me to enter the town. All I could do about it was just follow.

Everything on the town reminded me of her, I felt back at those horrid times when all I could do was watch. When I came back to reality when I felt Cloud stop and stare at the Nibelheim Mansion. This cursed place holds so many stories, all of anguish, of terror. Stepping inside of it was like sinking on purpose until your lungs fill with water, with the exception that you cannot die from it; just feel the pain that it causes.

It attracted me like light to moths, the moment became like one of those times when you know you're walking but you can't comprehend that you're doing it. I remembered it all; it was tattooed on my mind, the secret pass way, the spiral stairs, the rotten smell of the basement.

The basement…

So suddenly I was there again. Everything in my mind seemed to be blurred, I felt my hands burning from the inside, my chest was begging for air and I heard his voice again. That same voice that drives me wild in battle, I looked around to ask Cloud for help me but he wasn't there; somewhere along the road to this place he left me, that only fed Chaos anger more.

By the time when my vision came from blurry to complete darkness all I could do was guide me by the scent, Chaos almost completely owned me I could not let him accomplish his task, my soul struggled to take back my body but it didn't seem to work; I know I was moving fast; to where? I still could smell the mako of the basement.

I kept struggling; there hasn't been any battle Chaos has won until now. I gained control of the nervous system a moment later, but something was bothering me. I could smell leather and gasoline mixed up with mako and… blood, yes blood. That red substance that drives Chaos to an ecstasy state; my body could feel pleasure just from tasting it. More than ever, I had to find a way to gain a total control and fast. I knew Cloud was in danger.

The thick air of rotten medicine made the demon weak a little, just enough for me to half getting back my body to normal, now I could smell something else, something I've been delighted to smell these past few days with the blonde. I could smell semen. I grew more and more terrified of in which state I could find Cloud; as soon as I gained control of my ears I could hear Cloud scream in pain my name.

"Vincent! Ugh... Come ba-aaack! Arg! I can't… I can't… take it anymore…" It was soft as if he was giving in pain mixed with pleasure. But I couldn't give up, no matter how strong the beast inside me told me to let me rape him; I couldn't make this to him. There were still so many things I wanted to tell him, and I wouldn't be able to if I kept hurting him like this.

My eyes opened with one last struggle. I could see Cloud on top a desk, his clothes ripped apart and bleeding from Chaos excessive force while raping him. Books and papers were all scattered around the table, my breathing was fast and we were both sweating cold. I pulled myself out of him as gentle as I could; he looked at me with caring eyes. How can he after all of this?

"You're back…" Tears, I could feel tears running down my cheeks; after all these years of prohibiting myself of any emoting I was showing one of them. I felt ashamed of myself. I was about to leave, when I felt Cloud gently tug my hair. I couldn't see his face from his bangs.

"Sorry, I brought you here; I just thought you wanted to… remember her…" My heart skipped a beat, at those words. He probably heard me call for her at my slumber. More than ever I wanted to escape and forget about all these, but the blood spilled all over the desk reminded me of what I have done and of the ex-soldier I've hurt so much.

I grabbed one of my Cure Materia for him, but he refused to use it. He pointed out painfully at his eyes, making me remember the mako infusion… that means he should be fine at least.

"Thanks to mako, I can bear with it… I didn't know Chaos was so…"

"Stop it!... it shouldn't have happened…"

None of us dared to say anything else, something close as silence could be heard in the surroundings. I found my cape near a chair, which I gave to Cloud so he could cover himself. My clothes were also nearby, somehow ragged but still usable. By this time I was fully back to my human form, but I still looked at myself like a monster.

"Lucresia…"

I turned around in an instant; he was looking through some books at the shelves that adorned the whole room. I felt anger rising again, but I tried my best control it when I heard him said that name.

"Tell me… I want to know… I want to know about you…" His voice was soft almost like a whisper, like if he was begging.

"I want to forget about it…" He looked at me with sad eyes as I spoke a little bit louder than usual.

"There… are some things we want to forget, but sometimes we can't, I'm not saying that you can't… I guess I'm speaking of myself; but still, I think talking about it… it … helps."

He was playing nervously with some pieces of cloth he found on the desk. That made me thought for a while, about how I've never told anyone about what really happened, I wasn't sure if it was the best to talk about it now, why now all of a sudden let it all out?

"What about you?... Have you ever talked about what happened to you?"

He was silent. Then fixed his blue orbs on the blood stained floor.

"I… let him die…"

"I let her die…"

"I couldn't save him…"

"I couldn't save her."

"I loved him…"

"I loved her…"

"…"

"…"

"Sometimes I think I still do…"

"… sometimes I… Yes… I know how that feels."

Somehow my claw found his way to his cheek, and softly made him look at me; his expression was sad, yet empty. I wondered if it mimicked my own.

It was night already, I could perfectly tell, after spending so many years inside this mansion; I developed the weird ability to tell exactly the time without looking outside, not that it mattered; it was just a simple fact.

We found ourselves in a strange place now, even though we spent a big part of our lives in this town, it no longer hold a reason for us to stay. This simple visit had a nostalgic purpose. It was his intent to make me see I'm still attached to someone else that's not him. Now I could understand his pain. I still don't know how I forgot about something so important, I guess I was blinded by the anger of not being able to have something; nothing good belonged to me, not even him. I just have this interminable list of sins.

We kept looking through the basement, looking for something that didn't even existed, we were just distracting ourselves for what had happened earlier. If we were able to find some clothes for the blonde while looking through the nothing it would help a lot.

He motioned me to head back to the town to get some sleep and change clothes, I agreed and let him guide the way back. After passing the experimental labs we found the room where I slept for 30 years, it somehow used to bring me peace, but not now, it was indifferent. I wondered if I would felt the same tranquility staying in there now.

He entered without hesitation. Looking at all the spider webs that have formed since last time made me wondered how long I have been outside of this place. He cleaned the dust inside the coffin where I used to sleep. Remembering also this was the place where we first met. Watching him trying to get inside if it was really awkward, once he was resting on the coffin I approached him slowly. His eyes were empty and fixed somewhere that doesn't exist in this room.

Now that I was there I realized that here was no longer a place to hide, my only choice was to wake up to the real life. Keep on living, trying to find a better part of all this mess, if possible. Cloud was already trying to do so.

"I could never be like her... I'm sorry."

"I never asked you to be."

"..."

"I'll never be him either..."

"This means... we're not trying to replace anyone..."

"No one can replace what is gone..." My voice echoed all over the place.

"Then what are we?" He looked up at me while still resting on the coffin, he had the same expression of childish anguish that I once had at the moment I decided to sleep so many years.

There was some sort awkward silence when he asked me that. I didn't know what to say, we were not lovers, the word love had been erased from my vocabulary when I lost the reason for it. We weren't just playing either, this was obviously too serious to be a game. We were to damn broken to be anything that would have a name for it.

"Vincent..."

"We are..." Snapping out of my thoughts I saw him completely vulnerable when he thought he really felt safe all wrapped around my cape trying to find a more comfortable position to be.

"You and me… " I caressed his cheek with my human hand, thinking back into the eternal transience of the time where we cannot return to.

He reminds me of myself…

End of Chapter

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This was a really difficult chappie it took me so long to finish it, mostly because 99 of the time I have no clue what's going to happen next… so you can tell this is ALL improvised… and blame Dirge of Cerberus… Vincent is so obsessed over Lucresia Oo 


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